While You Were Sleeping
by the Divine Nataku
Summary: Set during the end of Ballad of Fallen Angels Faye has a confession to make to Spike... too bad he's unconscious


Disclaimer - the standard statement applies...   
  
Also note that this one-shot takes place right before the end of episode 5,   
"Ballad of Fallen Angels", where Faye is sitting w/ Spike while he   
recuperates. Slight FxS, though possibly very one-sided. Enjoy!  
  
  
10/29/02  
Cowboy Bebop  
"While You Were Sleeping, I Told You I Loved You"  
by Nataku-chan  
  
Spike… Spike, can you hear me? You don't really have to answer   
me; you haven't said a word so I'm assuming that you can't. That's   
okay though… as long as you're alive - you are alive, right, Spike?   
Yeah, I can hear your breathing… Thank God.  
  
Can you believe that, Spike; my being concerned about you? Ya'   
damn right… I'm not afraid to admit it - I've been worried stiff about   
you. After all, it is my fault you're in this mess. I suppose that's   
another surprise for you, Spike, I'm accepting blame and taking   
responsibility for my actions; me… admitting my mistakes. No, the   
world isn't coming to an end, and no, Hell didn't just freeze over. Let's   
just say I've taken some time to reevaluate myself.  
  
So, let's just face it, I'm not the ideal woman, and would probably take   
no pleasure in being so. I'm the kind of woman men fight over, but   
wouldn't dare take home to their mothers. Real women don't curse   
and fight, shoot guns, gamble and cheat at cards, or play with their lives,   
do they? I didn't think so.  
  
But, Spike, despite all the flaws I may have, you do realize that I'm still   
a woman, too, right? Okay, maybe that seemed like a dumb question to   
ask… I mean, look at the outfit I flounce around in all day; it's obvious   
to anyone with eyes that I'm a full-fledged member of the female sex…  
  
My point is, Spike… God, I don't know what my point is. It seems I   
always lose sight of what I'm thinking around you. Is that some power   
of yours or do you do it without knowing? Do you have any idea how   
you annoy, confuse, aggravate, and inspire me so, all at the same time?  
  
Let's get down to brass tacks, Spike… did that sound weird to you?   
When I first met you, something about you just had me transfixed…   
was it your eyes maybe? I've been too afraid to check to be sure, but   
there's something about them that's a little off. It's like a puzzle I want   
to solve, but if I finish too soon, I'll have nothing to look forward to - or   
perhaps I'll get more than I bargained. All the same, Spike, you're like   
a flame and I'm the little moth trying to pull away before I get burned.  
  
Do you know what that is, Spike? Because, I think I'm in love with you.  
  
… Shouldn't it have felt like some great weight was being lifted off of   
my shoulders or something? I feel like I've been gypped. Hmm…   
maybe it's because you weren't really conscious to hear me… can   
you, Spike? I don't think I've got the guts to repeat that.  
  
Do I love you wholly, truly? I'm not too sure, really. I try not to mess   
around with the l-word too much… it only gets me in trouble. Believe   
me, I could spend hours telling you all about it, but I won't; it's not   
important right now. The point is being in love has only given me grief.   
After all, I've somehow managed to fall head over heels for Spike   
Spiegel, the afro-puffed lunk head; a lazy, arrogant, gun-toting, chain   
smoking, knuckle-headed bum who happens to have ties with one of   
the most dangerous and ruthless crime syndicates on Mars - Hell… in   
the Galaxy even!  
  
Now tell me honestly, how did you manage to pull that one off, Spike?   
I bet if I got you all liquored up you'd tell me the whole, long story.   
God knows Jet told me all he knew after a few brewskies. It certainly   
saved me the trouble of having to pump it out of him; using my usual   
tacticson him would have been too weird...  
  
- Did you know how highly Jet thinks of you, by the way? Aside from   
the fact that he thinks you're a freakin' suicidal moron, he has nothing   
but good things to say about you - at least when he's drunk anyway.  
  
Anyhow, I think I managed to gain a little - and I do mean little - ground   
with him, though I think I would have been better off blowing my hard   
earned bounty money on a casino.  
  
But really, I wanna know, Spike. How'd you manage to get mixed up   
with the Red Dragon Syndicate? You don't look like a Red Eye dealer…   
do you owe them money? That guy Vicious - scared the Hell out of me -   
really didn't say much. He did ask a few questions about me, which   
made me nervous, but for the most part, the guy had me strung up for   
hours and all I got out of him was that you stole something valuable of   
his.  
  
All I can say to that is… ARE YOU FRICKIN' OUT OF YOUR   
MIND?! Why would you steal from a guy like that? The fact is that   
you DON'T steal from a guy like that; it's not healthy. Jeez, Spike, not   
even I would do something that dumb… I'm sure you realize this but he   
was gonna kill you… and looking back it would've been my fault.  
  
Granted, I was asking for it. After all, Jet didn't tell me to butt out?   
But since when do I listen to him, right? Somehow I've come to feel   
myself as being part of the team, so to speak, entitling me to fair share   
of the bounties. That's not too much to ask, is it Spike? I did need   
some money and a place to stay, but I wouldn't have stayed as long as   
I have if I didn't think I had some chance of being welcome. You two   
are a tough crowd, but I think I've grown on you - at least Jet anyway.   
  
Still, the fact of the matter is I like being with you guys. Believe it or   
not, Spike, you and Jet are friends - saying you're family is a bit   
stretching it, as well as really weird. Jet as my father, eww… and   
you my brother… oh gross… 'specially since I like you… that's incest!  
  
Getting off track… you're probably wondering when I started to feel   
this way - at least you would if you could hear me… you can't, can you?   
At any rate, I think I came to this realization myself not too long ago   
when you agreed to come rescue me.  
  
Granted, you had no reason to do it - I wouldn't have in your position.   
Besides, the money I had stolen from you when we first met was long   
gone. Not only that, I wasn't even on your favorite people list. Still,   
even though I subjected myself to begging, it was shameful and   
shameless on my part. I hated being the damsel in distress; knowing   
full well you'd hold me to it further on down the line.   
  
But if you were really hiding out from the Syndicate, why go back   
just to rescue me? Like you said, you weren't doing it for my sake.   
That's demoralizing to be sure, but I know it's the truth. However, I   
prefer to pretend that out of all the times I've pushed people away,   
there's still one soul out there looking out for me. That is what you   
were pretending not to do, right, Spike?  
  
Uh-oh… you looked so peaceful just a moment ago… did I upset you   
somehow? Maybe something's wrong… Are you in too much pain?   
I'll go call Jet to bring you some more painkillers if that's what you want.  
  
Do you know what I'd do for you, Spike? Aside from crossing paths   
with Vicious again, I'd do just about anything for you at this moment.   
I'd take on every knick, cut, scrape, bruise, or bullet you took for me   
three days ago - yes, Spike, it's been three whole days since this whole   
mess went down - or any day to come. All you have to do is say the   
word.  
  
Of course, don't get me wrong, Spike… I'm not stupid and I'm not   
naïve… If you don't want me, I won't be your lapdog - no offense to   
the mutt - I won't throw myself at your feet just to have dirt kicked in   
my face. If there's nothing between us, that's fine; I'll go back to being   
the same old me, as if nothing had ever changed between us. Still,   
know that I would gladly stay by your side when you need me, just like   
I am now.  
  
Do you know that I saw you fall from that window, Spike? I did; I had   
wanted to leave, but I stayed and called for help. Jet refused to come   
at first, but I think I convinced him. Seeing you fall was horrible, Spike.   
I saw the look on your face… it was if you didn't even care at all. Still,   
I stayed there with you, by your side - I was too afraid to move or touch   
you - until Jet arrived. I was there with you at the hospital clinic, too -   
that little surgeon friend of yours is creepy - and I was right by you   
when Jet carried you back aboard the Bebop. How's that for dedication,   
huh, Spike?  
  
But really, Spike, I wonder… do you know the joy I feel at being   
needed? When I stayed by you through the night, did you know how   
fulfilled I felt to have someone depending on me, not the other way   
around? Right now, even though I sit across from you playing cards -   
never touching you, mind you… touching is forbidden - it's almost as   
if my presence calms you. I know it certainly calms me - you have no   
idea how glad I am you're alive, Spike… you've got to pull through!   
Even though we're always at odds, I feel at ease around you. Even   
though I lose at Solitaire for the fifth time, I feel light - I'm humming to   
you for crying out loud!  
  
You're stirring now - oh crap, did I wake you up? What if you heard   
me? I'd never be able to life with myself. Ironically enough, I'd always   
dreamed I'm come clean and confess my feelings to you someday, but   
not so soon, not like this. You'd probably think I was being emotional   
due to your near-death experience. Something tells me that this has   
happened before; that little voice tells me that it won't be the last either.  
  
So, what's a woman to do? I do what I always do of course: place   
down another card and regard you with a cool and confident air.   
You're still alive, big deal? I tell you that you've been unconscious for   
three whole days. I also let slip that I was worried, but that's of no   
importance when it's in the manner one would tell time or discuss the   
weather.  
  
Still, you don't seem to be phased - nothing seems to phase you, does   
it? It's almost like the only things you really complain about is your   
cigarettes and the lack of red meat in your diet. Two more things   
that could end up killing you; go fig.   
  
Nonetheless, with your battered fingers you motion for me to come   
closer. I should ignore you but I suppose I'm so starved for your   
attention I willingly comply. Nearly trembling with anxiety I edge   
forward slowly, deathly afraid that you did in fact hear me. Oh God,   
Spike, what if you did? For all I know, you called me closer all the   
while planning to make some sort of response…  
  
"You sing off key."  
  
I don't know whether I should be relieved or downright furious. You   
get the typical response nevertheless - a sound beating. Mind you,   
Spike, I decided to be gracious and use a pillow rather than my fists.   
How lucky for you.  
  
But alas, you appear to be back to your normal state - laidback and still   
a jackass - and since my cards are in complete disarray, being in your   
presence no longer serves any logical purpose. If I stuck around any   
longer, you'd start to get suspicious and I just can't have that. You no   
longer need to be looked after or doted upon - you can go back to being   
the Spike Spiegel you once were.  
  
I should be happy, shouldn't I?  
  
Maybe you did hear me after all… I assume only time will tell. What's   
the worse that could happen anyway? You could pretend as if you   
never heard me and my feelings would go unrequited, or you could get   
up right now - mummified and all - and laugh in my face. I tell ya Spike,   
I wouldn't know whether to shoot you or shoot myself.  
  
However, if my confession went unheard, it'll remain that way. You   
may think I'm gutsy or brassy or both, but I'm really not… not at all.   
We'll go on with our lives in this car crash waiting to happen, a.k.a. the   
Bebop; I'll keep on with my façade - and yes, Spike, it is a façade - and   
no one will be wiser. Because you see, Spike, dear lunkheaded Spike,   
when it comes to matter of the heart, Faye Valentine is a yellow-bellied   
coward. So even tough I've spilled my guts, only on pain of torture   
would you or anyone get me to repeat….  
  
Maybe if you asked me 30 years from now would I say to that while   
you were sleeping, Spike, I told you I loved you. But I can promise   
you now; I'll never say it again.  
  
We couldn't say them   
So now we just pray them   
Words that we couldn't say...  
  
Author's Notes -  
  
Hi, all! I hope you guys aren't too swamped w/ school work and what   
not... I know I am...  
  
Wufei - We don't want to hear your weak-onna excuses.  
  
Anywayz... I guess Miss Chang Po is busy too, or else somebody   
wouldn't be hangin' around here harassing me.  
  
Wufei/Miss Chang Po - I heard that!!  
  
I hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot... it and "Jumper" happen to be the  
first fics I've ever done that happen to be under 30 pages. Hope it didn't  
suck. I've been thinking about doing a series of one shots.. might be fun.  
  
For those of you were are still waiting for the sequel to 'That's Why They  
Call it the Blues', I'm afraid you're gonna have to wait a bit longer than  
I would have liked. It's actually still in the planning stages (I haven't had   
time to sit down and write it), and I'm still stuck w/o an ending.  
  
But fear not! I'll get to it eventually (hopefully over winter break!). So,   
until then, gentle readers, keep reading, writing, and reviewing!   
  
Toodles!  
Nataku-chan 3 


End file.
